Being physically with someone is entirely different than being emotionally invested in your partner. It takes time to be emotionally involved and to actually love the other person. When you develop deeper feelings and a bond that goes deeper than superficial things like physical appearance and qualification, then you want to share your feelings with the significant other. When you get to a stage where you want to say "I love you", it's like hitting a milestone that leads you to deeper intimacy. But here's the catch: you need to be sure when to say I love you without worrying about your partner's reaction. You have to say it when you really mean it and when you feel like feelings could be mutual.
Reflect Deeper on Your Relationship
Saying: "I love you" are some of the most powerful words you can say to anyone. Never say them casually or in a moment of passion. Analyze the nature of your relationship first. Look inside you and see what you expect from your partner. Do you want a committed relationship? Can you handle the situation when your partner doesn't share your feelings on the same level? Are you willing to accept any answer from your partner? Entertain all these possibilities but don't say it too late. Let's figure out when you should say "I love you" to someone.
Are you ready to say I love you?
This is the first question you need to ask yourself because you want to convey true feelings on the basis of your thinking. If you rush into it just because you like being with your partner, chances are you might hurt some feelings. Being honest with yourself and your partner will save you from regrets later on in life.
Another important question you need to ask is: are you sure it's love? Sometimes people confuse attraction, lust, excitement and chemistry with love. When you are in the so-called honeymoon stage, you can easily confuse the rush of excitement with love. Let your relationship mature a little bit and see if it is true love. Love is more like a slow process where you support each other through thick and thin. As Dr. Jenn Mann, psychotherapist and the author of "The Relationship Fix" says: "Love is much more significant and sacrificing than hot sex and the things that thrill us."
Moreover, are you willing to say it first? Just reflect a little deeper on your relationship with yourself before you say it to your partner.
When to say I love you?
-
You two have talked about the future. When you make plans for the future, it's more likely that you love them. As the dating professional Sarah Patt says: "Talking about things you should do together as a couple in the future is a sign that you want them in your future." If you aren't very confident and keep wondering: "when should I say I love you?", start by doing little things like taking them on your cousin's wedding or working together on something creative. Create the opportunity to say "I love you" instead of putting it off until you know about your partner's feelings.
-
You have considered it for a long time. Let's face it! When you have been thinking about it for a long time but haven't said it, you aren't able to muster up the courage to say it. Don't put it off for too long and just take it off your chest. Be sincere with your expression and your partner will understand.
-
You think that you must do it. The simple answer to when to say I love you is that you think you must do it. Try trusting your instincts for that matter. As Aaron Ben Zeev in Psychology Today says: "there is no precise formula for when to say "I love you," and that you should say it whenever you feel that way, without making too many calculations about timing".
-
From "me" to "we": When you get to the stage that you start using "we", "us" and "our" in your conversations, you are pretty serious about the relationship. This attitude shows that you are thinking about spending your life with the person you love. Marisa T. Cohen, the author of the book "From First Kiss to Forever" says: "When you constantly think about the other person, and you value the person for all of their strengths and faults, it is most likely love."
-
You have passed the passion stage. At the beginning of your relationship or even if you don't have a relationship yet, you feel excitement and passion. Wait and see whether you still love the other person during difficult times. Clinical psychologist, Lawrence Siegel says: "Look at any kind of flame. The top part of the flicker, where it dances, is the most mesmerizing. But the real burn is at the base. So even when the flickering dies down, how much is still simmering underneath?"
-
You don't care if they don't have the same feelings for you. If you get to a point where you are in control of your emotions, then you don't need to expect too much from another person. Be realistic about the fact that the other person might not feel the same way as you. Accepting that will help you in sharing your feelings more openly. Their response can be delayed or it can be different than your expectations. So, don't pressure them into responding when they are not ready for that.
Don't say it when…
There are no hard and fast rules for saying "I love you" but avoid saying them in some situations, like the ones described below.
-
When you are having sex or right after it. This is the time you think that everything is good. Let this euphoria pass and see how you feel when you are not having sex.
-
When you are drunk. This is an obvious one. Avoid saying it at all costs when you are drunk because you can't take your words back.
-
When you are attending someone's wedding. You might get overwhelmed in such situations. Don't make your emotions public yet. Say it in an intimate setting, at home.
-
When you are stuck together in a difficult situation. Life is not a film where people reveal their feelings in a car or when they are stuck together in a difficult situation. Do it when you are in the right headspace and know that you are okay with any kind of response.
-
When you are on vacation. Things feel a little surreal and amazing when you are on vacation. You might say "I love you" when you don't really mean it. Get back to your place and say it honestly.
The Real Story Starts After "I Love You"
In the end, the truth and sincerity of your words and actions matter the most. It doesn't matter who says it first or the way in which the person says it. You need to be sure of your feelings. Be strong and emotionally mature to be happy with any outcome. After all, the real story starts after you say "I love you".