We all know that life has its challenging moments, but when things get hard, we should learn to take a break instead of quitting. This idea can be applied to relationships, too. The solution to your problems might not be as extreme as you ending your relationship.
Taking a break in a relationship can be a useful tool to help you gain a clearer understanding of what is causing the issues, affecting you as a couple and as individuals. If your relationship is meant to be, then the time apart will give you the wisdom and the desire to make the changes that will resolve your differences.
Know When to Take a Break, Rather Than Break Up
Knowing whether it's the right time to take a break in your relationship isn't obvious. The conflicts might have been going on for a while, but a time will come when you've reached the point where you feel you cannot possibly continue. This is when you should consider taking a break in a relationship.
Here are some signs that indicate when we should ask for a break. We also included some advice regarding how to take a break so that the time apart will allow you to know whether you can get back together and make it work or if it really is time to walk away.
Sign 1 - misplaced priorities
This is when one half of a couple no longer shows interest in spending quality time with the other or keeping the promises they've made. When one person makes other things more important than what you need, it can cause feelings of neglect, resentment, or simply of being unloved. This is enough to damage the strongest of relationships.
However, misplaced priorities can be a sign of a lack of commitment to the relationship. If either you or your significant other are making decisions that prioritize anything over each other, then it's probably time for you to think about how to take a break from a relationship.
Sign 2 - you've joined the fight club
You're arguing over everything or maybe you're arguing about the same thing all the time; whichever the case is, you can't seem to stop the cycle of frustrating exchanges. You bring up conversations with the aim to come to some kind of compromise or solution, but every time you do, it dissolves into heated words of accusations and resentments.
This is one of the clearest signs of the need for a break. Taking some time apart will give you the space to see what you really want more clearly. Perhaps you'll decide that you cannot bear your beloved not being in your life, and you are willing to make the sacrifices required to get it to work.
Sign 3 - you're confused about the commitment
At any point in a relationship, be it right at the beginning or even after many years, you may no longer deny the feeling of uncertainty about the commitment. You suspect that you two are not compatible. Or perhaps, as you've gotten to know the traits of the person you are with, you realize you don't actually like them at all.
If you are confused about whether you want to move forward with the person in your life, then taking a break in a relationship may be the best option. Time and distance will definitely shed light on whether you want to keep to this commitment or not.
Sign 4 - a betrayal you cannot get over
If your partner has cheated on you, and you can't seem to get past it, this is a definite sign that you need to take a break. The pain of betrayal can be one of life's most devastating experiences.
Recovering from this heartbreak may seem impossible when the memories of the details you discovered are still torturing your mind. In this situation, you might benefit from a separation. It will allow you to decide whether you can find a way to forgive them and continue in the relationship or if you are better off without them.
Sign 5 - you want different things
There are some life choices that can become dealbreakers in relationships. Huge decisions, such as whether to have children or ever get married, aren't issues that can be resolved by compromise; it's either one of you agrees or changes their mind. If this cannot be done, it will become a point of contention in the relationship.
Disagreements are bound to arise frequently and subtly or silently. For all the couples in these circumstances, to settle this requires a break from a relationship. This temporary break will determine if either one of you is willing to concede and accept the desire of the other person, or if the only solution is to call it quits.
Sign 6 - you've developed a crush
Don't be shocked that it's possible that romantic or lustful feelings towards another person can develop while you are in a committed relationship. There's a popular misconception that if a person is truly in love with someone, it's impossible to have feelings for someone else. This general belief is not 100% accurate.
People are very different and, much like your favorite snacks, it is possible to enjoy them equally but differently. You might love chocolate, but that doesn't mean that you can't love ice cream, too. Granted, this is not a great example, because people are not tasty treats.
The point is that you love your boyfriend because he is funny, sweet, and caring, but the cute guy at work is passionate, exciting, and so very handsome. These feelings might not be right, but it is human nature.
However, if a person does have a crush on someone else, it's a sign that they need a break from a relationship to understand whether they are still in love and want to be with their current partner, or if they want to be with the person they have developed feelings for.
Sign 7 - you are drifting apart
When you two are together, you have nothing to say to each other. You prefer the company of your friends, and you no longer rush home to be with the person you've been missing all day. This type of behavior means that you and your partner are drifting apart. It is a good indication that a break for some time will let you know if it's actually a break-up that you need.
Sign 8 - you are filled with resentment
If you constantly feel angry with your partner because you're under the impression that the dynamics between you are not fair, then you are suffering from what's called "resentment flu".
"Resentment is caused when we feel like we are giving more than we are getting. It starts when our partner somehow, and quite possibly by accident, does or says something that we take personally. We begin to imagine that our partner doesn't care. It goes unresolved and burrows and festers. It can even cause us to become physically ill." - John Gray, "Curing the Resentment Flu - Learn to Let Go"
Too much resentment can be detrimental to the success of a relationship. So, instead of breaking up, a woman or man experiencing this should consider how to take a break from a relationship. This break should allow your partner to miss you and all the things you do for them. Hopefully, when you do get back together, you will finally feel valued and appreciated.
Sign 9 - you are fantasizing about being single
When the grass starts to look greener on the other side, it's a sign that you need to re-evaluate whether staying in your relationship is the right choice. You might be fantasizing about being single because you're bored of being part of a couple or because you would like to only focus on yourself and your own desires.
A break from your relationship for a month or two will let you know if you've missed them enough to go back and make it work or to move on to the next chapter of your life.
How to Take a Break in a Relationship
Taking a break in a relationship is something that has to be communicated and agreed on by a couple. Remember that it's not a break-up; you do plan on getting back together, so the aim of the break has to be clear. This way, both parties understand it's for a mutually agreed-upon purpose.
Create a time frame: This is one of the most important points you'll need to agree on. You need a substantial amount of time to feel the effects of the separation, while the other person believes a week or so might be enough. You must come to a compromise on time so that your temporary break doesn't turn into a permanent one.
Set some boundaries: Will one of you move out or will you simply not communicate verbally? Will you agree to meet once a week to discuss your experience, or will you plan not to see or speak to each other until you have reached the agreed time frame? These boundaries will need to be clearly stated.
Make your goal: Is the purpose of the break to learn how to appreciate one another? Then spend the time doing things for yourself and by yourself to see how it feels to be without them.
Calm yourself down: Use the opportunity to view your relationship from a different perspective. Are your problems as difficult as they seemed? Were you making them worse than what they actually are?
Communicate about the issues: Trying to communicate in the heat of the moment or while tempers are flared will never end well. Use this cooling-off period to calmly find the root cause of your issues and the possible solutions from a distance.
Use the time constructively: Spend the time you are taking apart from each other to work on improving yourself. If you know you have anger management issues, then you can see a counselor or join a self-help group to work on it so that you can go back into your relationship with the tools to cope when things get hard.
Focus on yourself: Take this time to do all the things you are not able to do while you are with your partner. Go to the gym to improve your fitness and your outlook on life, indulge in a hobby that you can become passionate about, or simply spend time with your friends and family.
Envision your future: When you imagine your life in the future, what do you see? It's important to note whether you cannot see your future without your partner, or whether you just can't see your partner being a part of your future. Time will give you clarity on exactly what it is that you want.
Taking a break in a relationship may be the right thing to do when things become difficult for a couple. Don't be afraid to take a step back to evaluate your situation. It's important to know when to take a break before things become their worst.
When you do decide to temporarily separate, make sure that you have agreed on the terms of the break, and assure your partner understands that you are working towards repairing the relationship so that you can come back together better and stronger than you were before.