The more you get to know a person, the more of their flaws you tend to notice. People usually part ways because they become too close and aware that the person they adored so much, in the beginning, is far from perfect. You have to understand that no relationship goes smoothly, especially romantic ones. Being married is one of the highest stages of love, where people are committed only to each other, and usually involves kids. When your marriage goes through a rough period, a question on how to save a marriage is a serious question, but there are answers to it. When separation is not optional, but inevitable, kids and relatives will feel the consequences of it as well. Sometimes, a divorce indeed is inevitable, but in some cases, marriage can be saved, and even be improved and more fulfilling than before. If you want to fight for your marriage and your family, then this article is definitely for you, so keep reading. In the text below you will find eight helpful pieces of advice on how to save your marriage.
8 Tips on How to Save Your Marriage
1. Figure out all the issues you argue about
Remember why you two got married in the first place. It was probably because you love each other, and frequent quarrels don't mean that your love has faded in time. Try to see the pattern of your arguments and think about them. What do you fight about the most? There is surely a solution to that problem, and it's usually through compromise. Try to agree to disagree, for a start. Then, try to find common ground. If you hate something that he does, for example, if he likes to drink and you dislike alcohol, ask him not to come home drunk or just to drink less. Don't be too restrictive, because that will surely ruin your relationship. We are free individuals. You have to respect his habits and opinions, but he also has to respect yours. The only thing you need to know is to figure out why you have been fighting so much. When you find the reasons, you will be one step closer to finding solutions.
2. Communicate effectively
Time can drain people and it can ruin the magic of our relationships, but not without our consent. Time doesn't have to lessen your love for each other. I don't know what exactly happens, but people probably start to feel entitled and become arrogant, and they start scolding at his partner for every single mistake that they make. Being in marriage for a long time doesn't give anyone the right to undermine their partner's opinion, and you should remember that every time you want to make a cynical joke or say a bad word. There is no reason for having countless arguments about nothing. Try to talk less, and listen to your partner more. Take what they have to say seriously and don't interrupt them when they talk. Your partner should do the same.
3. Stop hiding things from each other and start making decisions together
That should include opinions as well. I suggest you go visit a marriage therapist and have a conversation with him/her because you will hear the same thing, but from a professional. After that, you can begin to practice listening to your partner's suggestions. Especially if you two have kids, try to make decisions together for their sake, at least. That is an essential part of marriage, and through that, you will strengthen your bonds again.
4. Learn to be a good spouse
Being nice and thoughtful somehow seems to be forgotten in marriages. Stop blaming your partner for everything, and accept the fact that you are not perfect as well. Instead of immediately going mad because of something trivial, try to forgive them. Try to be nicer, bring them a present from time to time. Your partner will see that you are willing to cooperate and make things right again. Forget the "I want something in return" attitude. If you give only because you will be able to get something in return, that does not spell love at all. You should instigate an emotional conversation where you will explain how concerned you are for your relationship, and then give your best to be a good spouse. Of course, don't do anything you don't feel like doing. But if you love your partner, I am sure this will work out.
5. Focus on yourself and spend a bit of time with your thoughts
Sometimes, our head is so full of thoughts, like a hive of bees. Maybe you are just too tense because life can be very tough and stressful. You should not immerse yourself in your emotions, but to clear your head and indulge yourself a bit. You can go for a walk alone once in a while, to enjoy some silence. Try not to think too much. Try meditation as well. If you are calm instead of chaotic, you will be able to see through problems rationally. You can recommend this to your partner as well. Both of you need to relax a bit.
6. Put the relationship in the first place
Neglecting your relationship could be the main cause of problems. Like every relationship, it will dwindle to nothing if not cherished enough. It's the 21st century. It is understandable that everyone is busy, but you need to spend more of your spare time with your partner. How can they be an interesting and suitable spouse if they see you every once a week or so? Think of all the people you've lost contact with during time. It has happened because of the same reason. If you are the busy one, try to organize your time better. If your partner is, have a conversation and tell them that you are feeling lonely and forgotten. Like I said before, if your partner really loves you, they will listen.
7. Respect your partner more and try not to seek happiness in other people
You have to talk to your partner about problems in order to make everything right. If you try to conceal problems "for the greater good", you will only make a mess that will lead to divorce. Problems ought to be discussed openly and honestly. Remember that everybody has flaws, and you should never judge your partner because of them. Respect fades with time as well because you get to know them almost too well. When that happens, you think you can't stand them and that there is certainly someone better out there. I'm here to remind you that everybody has flaws, and it's normal that unknown people seem more interesting. Try to resist that feeling, because it's often than not just an illusion.
8. Think about your own behavior and admit if something is your fault
Self-reflection can reveal more than we can imagine. Maybe most of your problems are actually your fault? Maybe you are the one who is moody and frowned all the time and the one who doesn't want to listen and make compromises. It's okay, we all make mistakes from time to time. The only thing you have to do is to admit it to yourself first, and that's the hardest part. Before that, you need to think thoroughly in order to understand your own actions. Ask yourself questions: "Why am I not satisfied with this relationship?" "What am I doing wrong?" "How to save my marriage?" If you think that everything is only your partner's fault, something's not quite right. As I said, it's normal to make mistakes. If you notice anything bad in your behavior, apologize and try to improve yourself. Not only will you contribute to your marriage, but you will also become a better person as well.
Summary
When you get a divorce, a lot of other people are influenced by it, especially if you have kids. Therefore, do everything in order to save your marriage. It's totally fine even if you don't succeed, but at least you know that you did your best. Try to fall in love again, like you did when you met your husband or wife. With a lot of work and patience, you might save your marriage. Don't leave immediately, even if you think that you deserve better. Once you get to know any person, you get disappointed because some of the bad traits were hiding deep inside of them. But if you start looking for someone new, you will probably end up in the same situation- wanting to leave. Therefore, I think you should do whatever you can in order to save your marriage before giving up.