The signs were there and you finally had to admit it. Your feelings still run deep, but all the little things you noticed told you it was time to let go. So you did. But moving on from an ex can be hard. Your head and your heart don't always agree, but dwelling on the relationship that is now in the past will make the process harder and longer. There is always a grieving process and it's important to let yourself move through those stages without getting stuck in any one of them. These tips should make it a little easier.
1. Accept it first
You made the difficult decision and took the right steps. Trust your instincts and your decision. Believe that you did the right thing. If you let your heart stay in charge, you'll question yourself forever. Accept that it's going to hurt for awhile, that it's not going to be easy, and that sometimes the hardest things to do are, in the end, the right things to do.
2. Don't blame yourself
Relationships end for a variety of reasons. Not only are you suffering from a loss, but there is also an element of self-doubt that accompanies the pain. "Did I do the right thing? Could I have done something differently? Should I change my mind?" As we've said, you can question yourself for hours and days, but it's important NOT to do that! At least not for very long.
Disappointment and anger are a part of the grieving process, and it's human to suddenly find yourself in a bit of a pity party. The healthiest thing to do is to let yourself feel these emotions, acknowledge them. Say "I am feeling really sad and insecure right now." And then accept being human and that these feelings are normal. Now is the time to work on self-love. Allow yourself to grow through this. Don't let others determine your self-worth. At first, it may not be easy, this business of believing in yourself. But do something every day that will affirm your worth and you'll soon see the stronger you staring back from the mirror.
3. Stay away from reminders
It takes courage to break up and let go. It's tempting to keep those little reminders, the "keepsakes" that you've collected. You want to visit the place where you first met, to listen to that special song. And when you do, the floodgates will probably open. That's okay…once. It can be a cleansing experience, a way to let go. Return his stuff. Burn those notes. (That is actually tremendously freeing!) Make saying goodbye to all those reminders almost ceremonial, because it is, in a way. On one hand, you are saying goodbye. On the other hand, you are saying hello to a new chapter in your life.
4. Stay off all your social media for a while
Your head knows that it's not healthy, but your heart urges you to "check" on him. You tell yourself you just want to know he is okay, or admit to yourself that you're curious about what may be going on in his life. Listen to your head! It's tempting to stalk your ex - send messages on Facebook, post old pictures, send text messages. Don't let yourself fall into these emotional traps. In order to move on from your ex you need a clean break - saying goodbye and walking away, mentally and physically.
5. Find someone to talk to
Whether it's a trained counselor or just your best friend or mom, it helps to talk. Try to avoid asking for their advice, unless it's a trained counselor you're talking to. Your friends and your mom may not have all the right words, and while you just need someone to listen, they may feel the need to offer a solution. It's okay to make it clear upfront that you're not looking for unsolicited advice, you just need a judgment-free ear to vent and let loose.
6. Don't rush the desire to move on
You might feel that "replacing" your ex with someone new, a new fling, will help you get over him more quickly. That would be a big mistake. A rebound relationship is rarely healthy or successful in the long run. It is also defeating in and of itself because you're likely to make the same bad choice. Instead, be patient with yourself and your emotions. Recognize that both are on a roller coaster and will be for a while. You need to give yourself time to heal, to work through what went wrong so you don't repeat the same mistakes. Or maybe it's just about giving yourself some space to better get to know the wonderful person that is you!
7. Avoid comparing and generalizing the experience
Every experience you have is unique because every person you meet is different. Sure, there will be similarities, and it's good to notice that. If you see similar characteristics in the men you choose, and relationships continually break down, perhaps it's time to make different choices. That said, know that every relationship has differences and that not all of them have to end in a breakup. Knowing how to move on from an ex includes not letting yourself think that every relationship will end this way. Realize your mistakes, vow to make better decisions, avoid repeating unhealthy behaviors, and know deep in your heart that things will be better next time around because you're better than you were before.
8. Make a conscious decision to be happy
There is a ton of research that tells us, tells you, that being happy is partly a conscious decision. That may sound unrealistic, but it's true. You can decide how you let your circumstances affect you. Part of that is, as pointed out earlier, acknowledging your feelings. You are human, after all, and humans experience painful emotions. But then make a conscious decision to be happy about the road ahead. Get excited about the new twists and turns awaiting you. You can decide you're not letting the guy who cut you off in traffic make you angry. You can control your reaction to the woman in the grocery store who "looked at you the wrong way." The fellow in the car may be about to lose his job if he's late again. The woman in the grocery store may be struggling with a budget that's never enough. You can't control how they react to circumstances in their life, but you can decide how you react to what happens in your life. Make the decision that today, you'll be happy.
Final Words
With these steps, moving on from an ex will be a lot easier for you. Get professional help if you need it. Don't let a failed relationship tarnish the love that lies down the road. Moving ahead in a healthy way will help to ensure that your next relationship will be a keeper.